"Here, Honey. Look at all the pretty things I've just killed for you."
"Oh, slaughtered flowers? How did you know? Do me!"
I think I've finally worked out why men give women flowers. It's because men are stupid and think that women are jealous of things more beautiful then them, like every woman is the wicked queen from Snow White. "Here, Honey. Look at all the pretty things I've just killed for you." "Oh, slaughtered flowers? How did you know? Do me!"
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Perhaps it would be a good idea to stop looking for miracles and realise that the fact we can look for them is one.
Dear David Thorne I discovered you today Not that I'm Copernicus or anything. It's nice for you that you existed pre my discovery of you. I suppose any kind of validation is nice though... You're quite funny. People say I'm funny too. People don't say "I'm funny too", only desperate people say things like that. I'm actually quite nervous writing this. I hope that's not showing too much in my writing style. I have an anxiety disorder. I've tried re-ordering it, but OCD has never been my strong point... I think this is going rather well. Then, I have a tendency to overthink things. Another tendency I have is to be outright wrong. I think we should do something sometime. How do you feel about doing things? I'd be more specific, but I have a fear of rejection. Can I tell people that we did something? Obviously right now you're doing something, and right now I'm doing something, so it's not really a lie. I just thought you should be aware that I'll be telling people that we did something, now it won't be weird if you're on tv and someone brings it up. People on television are always talking about me. Or in the least they tell me to do things. They seem to be overly-concerned that things aren't on fire. Perhaps I could come over and watch tv? How am I supposed to sign off? Maybe I should have a clever name like yours? Lots of love David Thorne I feel like that might get confusing and it would ending up setting me back $174 to change my name. DMG will be fine. Awkward, largely forced and inappropriate hug DMG ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// to me You could tell people that we chatted via email for a bit then you came over to watch tv and I was nowhere near as funny in real life as you expected me to be so you're not hanging around with me anymore.This would probably only work if you live in D.C or Virginia or travel a lot. Regards, David ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Dear David Yes, I think you may be on to something there. I suspect few would believe that I nipped Stateside when I can barely function outside my home. Maybe we could rig up some kind of teleportation device, or enormous dumb-waiter, or some other third thing yet to be invented by the people that gave us velcro. Thank you for your response. Oh, and thankyou for not making fun of my hairy prolapse. It's a touchy subject. kind regards DMG PS. You do have a very nice name. PPS. Was the original title for your book 'The Internet is a Playground and I Have Candy', because if it was I find that in poor taste and it gives a creepy aura to your avatar and by extension, your face. PPPS. You have a nice face. It fits your name rather well. PPPPS. Nope. Now I've ruined things. Please stay away from playgrounds. Internet playgrounds too. Why would an adult hang around playgrounds? The other grown-ups demand to know your intent. /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Dear David I fear I may have come off as a little bit of a jerk...Probably because I was a little bit of a jerk. I'm sure nobody thinks your avatar makes you look like a stalker peering around a wall. I was trying to be funny, but simply came off as mean. I know that you're a celebrity and probably have a thick skin to protect you against unintentionally mean people such as myself, but it saddens me that I was a jerk to a gentleman who brings so much laughter to the world by making fun of people with less education than himself. I just showed my kids your picture of a spider. They think you're very talented. I also asked if you look creepy and 2 out of 3 said no and we all know what Meatloaf sang about that. Apologies DMG. If ever you think an idea is too big to get off the ground, just remember that the average cumulus cloud weighs 550 tonnes.
Looks aren't important, because anyone I like will be beautiful to me.
Most of the problem with having a successful life is in deciding on what makes a life a success.22/9/2014 |
About the authorLouie is not as smart as he is tall, less sensible than he is bearded, and as green as he is blue. Archives
August 2016
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