Seeing-eye dogs have been trained as service animals for the visually impaired for yonks, but ultimately because dogs are really, really stupid (in a lovable, happy way) they need to be trained not to chase shiny things into traffic. Miniature horses offer many wonderful advantages over stupid dogs and are becoming more and more popular in the visually impaired community. Measuring as short as 50 centimetres at the shoulder, the tiny equinies have superior vision to canines and are significantly less likely to be distracted. Other attractive reasons to swap from dog to mini horses are; they are known to live up to 50 years making them more cost effective to train than dogs, they don't get fleas, they're low allergenic and they cost less to feed because they eat lawn. They are also fully house-trainable and possess superior memory compared to guide dogs, which allows them to map out safe walking routes. When you think about it, horses have been carrying people about for a thousand years, it's fairly natural for them to become the eyes of the rider. The sneakers cost extra, but not having a miniature horse broken limbed and splayed like Bambi on ice in your tiled kitchen is worth it. I’ve started a new cult recently and I’m looking for new members/novices. I call it a cult and not a religion because I’m having trouble with the whole ‘supernatural deity’ part, and the government refuses tax exempt status or to class it as a religion until your central beliefs involve something essentially unbelievable. So, yeah…. still a cult.
Anyway, to give you a little background; We’re called Omnifestisians (omni- fest- iss-ians) and the main proponent of our teachings is to celebrate all religions equally while believing in none. It sounds complicated at first. Let me explain. We celebrate Christmas the same way everybody does, but we ignore the religious part. We take all the public holidays of all religions, but never go to church/mosque/clearing in the woods. I can answer any further question individually. Oh… and nudity is optional. That has nothing to do with the cult… that’s just a life choice. OmniZenmaster Q. Aquilus 'Griseus'. Less a black/folk metal album and more an hour long black symphony. A must hear album. 9/10
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About the authorLouie is not as smart as he is tall, less sensible than he is bearded, and as green as he is blue. Archives
August 2016
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